shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Watching her eat just hurts me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
