I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
