My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
