the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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