i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the liver wants what the liver wants
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
