Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
