I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
