FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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