quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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