She's JV to your varsity
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
