So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
