I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
