It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
