The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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