I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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