I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize