Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
