When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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