On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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