I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
