Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
