Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
