respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
