Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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