Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
