i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
