Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
