Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
