My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
