I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
