put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
