dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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