i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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