I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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