I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
