I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
