i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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