It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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