Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
