This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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