you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize