I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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