Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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