just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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