So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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