he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
