Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
