I want to have your abortion
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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