I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize