is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
