I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
