He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
