Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize