her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
