Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
