I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
