we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
