Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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