Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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